“The Host” is the latest film adaptation of a fantasy novel that tween and teen girls turned into a Bestseller. In case you’re not aware, The Host was written by Stephenie Meyer, who’s also the author of The Twilight Saga. That book series became one of the most popular film series of all-time, though the actual quality of those movies left a little to be desired. But as painful as it may have been to watch Edward, Bella, Jacob and company bite and fight on the big screen it can’t compare to just how amazingly awful “The Host” is.
I gotta start by stating how bad I felt for Saoirse Ronan while watching “The Host”. She plays Melanie, one of the last remaining humans on Earth. Practically everyone else on the planet has had their bodies inhabited by aliens. People still look like themselves, except they’re now peaceful, calm and have bright blue eyes.
Soon Melanie also undergoes an alien invasion and she takes the new name Wanderer (which is later shortened to “Wanda”). Normally this new soul wipes-away the former human completely, but for some reason Melanie remains inside Wanda and so these two battle it out for the entire movie, yelling at each other with laughably, corny dialogue. And Ronan is forced to deliver these lines, basically carrying-on a conversation with her “inner self” for two hours. It is incredibly annoying. Ronan is one of Hollywood’s best, young actresses (loved her in “Hanna”). I just hope she got paid double to make-up for the embarrassing role she was forced to play.
Back to the story: Wanda/Melanie find Melanie’s family – which has survived the alien take-over by living in a volcano in the desert. William Hurt plays Jeb, the leader of the clan. But here’s the problem: Melanie had a boyfriend before she was captured and he still likes her and now Wanda is getting friendly with a new guy from this group of survivors. This is the romantic stuff all the females are waiting for. While there are some obvious similarities to “Twilight”, with the two guys fighting for one girl, in this case it’s TWO GIRLS IN ONE BODY. So it’s not a “Romantic Triangle”, but a “Romantic Rectangle”. There is actually a scene in which the two boyfriends trade-off kissing the Wanda/Melanie character to see which one is inside. I’m not making this up.
Diane Kruger plays the leader of the aliens who really wants Wanda dead, even though the aliens are supposed to be peaceful, loving creatures. The storyline is filled with holes but the worst part of the script is the dialogue. “The Host” is often very funny, and it’s waiting for the next wonderfully ridiculous line that kept me interested, particularly Melanie’s comments while Wanda is kissing both guys. Seriously, there are more kissing scenes in “The Host” than in all five “Twilight” films combined.
If the production team behind this mess was trying to make a “Twilight” rip-off, with aliens instead of vampires, they forgot one important thing: action! There isn’t one interesting chase, battle or confrontation. The best scene in the film is a truck being driven into a wall – intentionally. With no distractions from all the talking and the kissing, “The Host” drags-on to a predictable conclusion. And there’s a final scene that I think was supposed to set-up a possible sequel, but it doesn’t make sense.
This is director Andrew Niccol’s second bomb in a row. He made 2011’s disappointing Justin Timberlake/Amanda Seyfried action film, “In Time”.
He also gets the blame for “The Host” screenplay. Maybe Niccol should get back to writing his own material. He actually picked-up an Oscar nomination for Original Screenplay for “The Truman Show” (1998).
“The Host” is rated PG-13 but other than a little blood it’s OK for kids 11 and up. I guess if you liked the book you may want to give it a shot, but you’ll probably be as stunned as I was. In fact, if you happen to talk to someone who says they enjoyed this film you should check their eyes for signs of an alien take-over.
On The Official LCJ Report Card, “The Host” gets a D. Thankfully Meyer has only published one “Host” book so far, which is a bit surprising. It’ll be even more surprising is if this movie becomes so popular that there’s ever any thought of making another one.