2013 is underway, but let’s continue to look back at 2012. Here are my selections as the 10 Worst Movies of the Year:
1. FUN SIZE
Not only bad, it’s WRONG on so many levels. Halloween comedy starring Nickelodeon’s Victoria Justice. The main character is an 8-year-old boy who is ignored by his family, abducted by strangers several times and even locked in room by a maniac. Who thought this would be funny? Not to mention the bathroom humor, sex, adult language, underage drinking, a gunfight and many other inappropriate scenes. This wasn’t a treat, it was a complete mess.
2. DIARY OF A WIMPY KID: DOG DAYS
The second in the series (2011’s “Rodrick Rules”) miraculously avoid that year’s worst list. But not this dreadful, mediocre third installment that is by far the worst of the franchise.
3. PARENTAL GUIDANCE
Here’s hoping you didn’t spend part of Christmas Day watching this bomb. Billy Crystal and Bette Midler play grandparents who take care of three bratty, “only in the movies weird” grandchildren for a week. The most stereotypes of any film this year, not to mention the corniest and lamest script.
4. TOTAL RECALL
2012’s Worst Action film (but not by much) is tough to get through because of the intentionally complicated plot. You simply don’t care enough to want to follow along. Performances are bland and the visuals are unspectacular. It does get the honor for having characters use the word “sh–” more often than in any other movie this year. Not exactly something to be proud of.
5. HOPE SPRINGS
Don’t be deceived by Meryl Streep’s Golden Globe nomination. There wouldn’t be the Globes without Streep, as she’s received 27 Globe nominations over the past 35 years. I felt bad for her having to do the things she had to do in this film. And it’s no fun for Steve Carell and Tommy Lee Jones either. But it’s the audience that suffers the most.
6. BATTLESHIP
Actor Taylor Kitsch didn’t have a great year (He’ll make another appearance later on in the countdown). From the dialogue, to the action, to the weak supporting cast (Brooklyn Decker and Rihanna), to the look of the aliens, “Battleship” both sunk and stunk.
7. STEP UP REVOLUTION
Completely unnecessary fourth effort in this franchise. Only highlight is the dancing, but even that’s getting old. Many of the scenes are unintentionally hilarious. There’s a shot of Peter Gallagher starting to cry towards the end of the film sums things up nicely.
8. WRATH OF THE TITANS
Believe it or not, “Wrath” is better than its predecessor “Clash” thanks to a more impressive 3D post-conversion. Otherwise, not much changed from original to sequel. Except the dialogue got even lamer: “Brother!” “Yes, Brother.”
9. HYDE PARK ON HUDSON
Bill Murray also snagged a Globe nomination for his portrayal of FDR. He’s by far the best thing about “Hyde Park”. The rest of the film is surprisingly bad, from Laura Linney’s narration to the endless conversations about hot dogs, which drove me INSANE.
10. JOHN CARTER
Disney’s $250 million sci-fi action film grossed a mere $73 million in the US. Even though it made its budget back thanks to the foreign box office, it’s still one of Disney’s biggest bombs of all-time. The movie is long, dull, and unoriginal, with some of the worst special effects seen on screen in years. And Kitsch is an uneffective and unappealing action hero.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
BIG MIRACLE – Saving whales just isn’t that exciting.
HERE COMES THE BOOM – Few laughs, but certainly no “Paul Blart”.
THE MASTER – Still don’t know what the point of it was.
MIRROR MIRROR – Bizarre. Case in point: Armie Hammer licking Julia Roberts.
TO ROME WITH LOVE – Woody Allen tried to duplicate the success of Oscar winner “Midnight in Paris”, but with a mediocre script, over-the-top performances (including his own) and bland, careless characters, he reverts back to pre-“MiP” form.