“Spy Kids” was released in 2001 and was one of the top 20 films that year. Two sequels followed (“Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams” in 2002 and 2003’s “Spy Kids 3D: Game Over”). Eight years later we get a third sequel in 3D.
When released in theaters in August the movie featured a 4th D – Aromascope: the option of using a “scratch and sniff” card to smell everything that comes on screen. And the card gimmick was helpful because it takes your attention away from what’s happening in the movie
Jessica Alba stars as Marissa Wilson, a retired spy who lives with her husband Wilbur (“Community”‘s Joel McHale) and her two stepkids Rebecca and Cecil. And a new baby. Jeremy Piven from “Entourage” plays the movie’s villain – The Timekeeper. He wants to take over the world. So Marissa is forced to go back to work.
When Rebecca and Cecil learn that their stepmom is a spy, they decide to also join in on the action. And their family dog (voiced by comedian Ricky Gervais) is an assistant and they also get a little help from the original “Spy Kids” – played by Alexa Vega and Daryl Sabara. Everyone has to work together to try to save the day.
There’s a reason this is an end of the summer release…because the film is a mess. The plot is ridiculous – there’s never any build-up or suspense or mystery. And the all-important message – that people need to spend more time enjoying their families…please. Little kids aren’t going to care about that. They just want to see a fun, exciting adventure – and this is none of that.
“Spy Kids: All the Time in the World” is written and directed by Robert Rodriguez. He’s the man responsible for the other 3 “Spy Kids” films, 2005’s “The Adventures of Sharkboy and LavaGirl” and my “Worst Movie of 2009” – the unforgivable “Shorts”. All I can say is: at least he’s consistent.
Bad performances are everywhere: Alba tries her best, but McHale is way over-the-top as a reality TV “Spy Hunter”, Piven plays several characters – one more ridiculous than the other, and the newcomers who play the young “spy kids”…let me just ask this: Why can’t Rodriquez find good kid actors? They’re out there – we see them in other films. But for some reason he just can’t find any for his movies. Gervais has a few funny lines, and the best part for him is that his face never shows-up on screen so he won’t take any of the blame for this disaster.
“Shorts” had cheap special effects, but “Spy Kids 4″‘s may be worse. It’s amazing how easily you can tell that the kids aren’t really flying and that people aren’t jumping out of cars, and the huge clock machine is totally fake. It’s all GREEN SCREEN! It’s been 8 years since the last “Spy Kids”, and movie effects have come a long way since then. But you wouldn’t know it by all the unintentionally cheesy effects here.
“Spy Kids: All the Time in the World” is rated PG for mild action violence. It’s filled with fart gags, puke scenes, poop jokes – everything except good writing, sharp dialogue and laughs. Young kids may be mildly amused, but anyone older than 8 (including young adults who saw the first three) will be incredibly bored. This movie only made $36M at the box office. You don’t need to be a spy to figure out that this franchise is dead.
On The Official Kid Critic Report Card, “Spy Kids: All the Time in the World” gets a D.
It’s a clearly a solid contender to make my Worst of the Year list.