One of the TV commercials that was used when “John Carter” was released in theaters back in February claimed that before there was “Star Wars” and “Avatar” there was John Carter. And that’s very true. The character was the creation of famed writer Edgar Rice Burroughs back in 1912.
But the ad campaign doesn’t go far enough, because along with “Avatar” and “Star Wars” there are over a half-dozen other films that come to mind while watching “John Carter”, each of them represented either directly or indirectly. They include:
– “Cowboys and Aliens”
– “Braveheart”
– “Gladiator”
– “Prince of Persia”
– “The Adjustment Bureau”
– “Aladdin”
– And yes, even “Mars Needs Moms”. In fact that Robert Zemeckis big-budget, motion-capture bomb (one of Disney’s all-time disasters) was released right around this time last year.
And now, here we go again on another trip to Mars, only this one, sadly, is even more painful to watch.
The plot of “John Carter” starts out simple but then gets way too complicated. The basic story has Carter (Taylor Kitsch), a Civil War veteran who’s tired of fighting and just wants to be left alone, getting magically transported to Mars. There he finds himself in the middle of another war, and he has to decide if he wants to fight in this one, or just try to find his way back to Earth.
On Mars there are good Humans (the blue team), bad Humans (the red team) and actual Martians (who happen to be green). We never really know why they’re fighting (nor do we care) and all the characters have names and live in places you can’t remember. There’s a ton of dialogue, way too much for a sci-fi adventure movie.
There are also plenty of action scenes, and a few of them are fun and original, but most are dull and predictable. And even with the massive $250 million budget this film contains some of the worst special effects I’ve seen on screen in years (including the Carter character jumping over and over. It’s surprising that you can’t seen the harness).
Another problem is the movie’s length – nearly 2 hrs and 20 mins. It should have been edited down – drastically, especially considering the weak performances and bland story. And the score, by Oscar-winner Michael Giacchino, is way over-the-top. Epic music for an average product.
“John Carter” is directed by Andrew Stanton, who wrote and directed “Finding Nemo” and “Wall-E”, winning Oscars for both. He’s the second Pixar animator in recent months to take-on his first live-action film (Brad Bird with “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” the other). I know there’s never enough animated projects to go around at Pixar, but Stanton needs to make better choices if he’s going to continue working in live-action.
“John Carter” is rated PG-13 for all the action violence, but none of it is believable so no one will be harmed watching it. The movie is appropriate for kids 11 and up. If you’re a fan of the original Burroughs story or a die-hard sci-fi nut you probably saw this for the short time it was in theaters. Who’s going to want to buy/rent it now that it’s out on Blu-ray/DVD? That’s a mystery not even Burroughs could solve.
On The Official LCJ Report Card, “John Carter” gets a D+.
It is time that Disney decides to explore another planet, say maybe Venus or Saturn. I’d even be happy if they brought back Pluto! Anything but another trip to Mars.