Ten years ago, Johnny Depp introduced us to one of his most iconic characters – Captain Jack Sparrow – in “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl”. Over the next decade, Depp played a wide variety of wacky and weird characters, always adding his own quirky brand of humor to the role. I’ve always been a fan – but now even I’m tired of Depp’s act. And you can thank his turn as Tonto in “The Lone Ranger” for pushing me over the edge.
Of course, Tonto’s not even the main character in this well known saga (that would belong to the title character, though you wouldn’t know that here). But Depp is billed as the star of the film. Why? Because Disney was hoping to use his name for instant box office over the competitive 4th of July holiday weekend. And because he’s Johnny Depp (it was probably part of the deal). The idea was clearly to make Depp’s version of Tonto be the Jack Sparrow of the Wild, Wild West. But that’s just one of the many poor decisions made in what is one of the year’s biggest disappointments so far.
As for the lead role, actor Armie Hammer gets the honor. And I bet he was excited when he won the part. Probably not so much anymore. The Lone Ranger is one of the classic American stories. It began as a 1930’s radio show, was a hugely popular TV show in the 50’s and there have been several big screen versions as well. And at no time was the character of the Lone Ranger treated like a complete goofball as he is here. I thought Hammer’s role as the prince in “Mirror, Mirror” was the most embarrassing of his career. But even that takes a back seat to what he’s forced to endure here.
Hammer’s John Reid is a lawyer who travels to a small Texas town in the 1860’s. The Transcontinental Railroad is currently in development. His older brother Dan, a Texas Ranger, asks John to join him and his men to capture escaped criminal Butch Cavendish. But following an ambush Reid and Native American Tonto must team-up to bring Butch to justice. There’s also a shady railroad tycoon (Tom Wilkinson) and even the cavalry gets involved.
But wait: the actual first scene of “The Lone Ranger” is set in 1933 in San Francisco. At a fair, a young boy in a “Lone Ranger” outfit walks into an exhibit and the now very old Tonto comes to life and begins telling him the story of how the Lone Ranger and Tonto got started. Is this magic? Has Tonto been standing there for 70 years waiting for this one boy with a mask on to show up? It’s all too ridiculous to even think about.
You may remember there were numerous stories that came-out of this film’s production. The budget went through the roof, its release date was changed three times, Depp was involved in a frightening accident, falling off of and getting trampled by a horse, and, tragically, a crew member actually died during the shooting. Some movies seem to be cursed and this one clearly falls into that category.
After the whole kid/old Tonto start, a decent action scene puts the film back on the right track…but only temporarily. There are no surprises in the script AT ALL. No comic timing between Hammer and Depp (in their defense the lines they’re forced to deliver are horrendous). Gore Verbinski (who directed the first three “Pirates” films and Depp’s Oscar winning animated western “Rango”) tried to make an action comedy. But he delivers a poorly executed version of that genre.
The supporting cast includes Barry Pepper and Helena Bonham Carter. It’s odd that she’s in a Depp film that isn’t directed by her husband, Tim Burton. Also odd is that she’s in this film in the first place, since her character hardly does anything. Verbinski does stage an interesting final action scene that adds a little bite to a previously dull 2+ hours. However, the use of the all-too familiar “Lone Ranger” theme song blaring the entire time ruins what could have been a rare highlight.
“The Lone Ranger” is rated PG-13 for the action/violence. It’s appropriate for kids 12 and up. But take my advice, Kemosabe, and skip it at all cost.
On The Official LCJ Report Card, “The Lone Ranger” gets a D+.