The tagline for the action dramedy “Pain & Gain” is “This is a true story”. The studio probably did that because, after seeing the film, most people won’t believe that the characters were real and the situations actually happened. Here’s another thing that’s true: Director Michael Bay’s first non-“Transformers” movie since 2005’s “The Island” is a complete mess.
“Pain & Gain” take place over several months between 1994 and ’95 in Miami, Florida. In the opening scene we are introduced to bodybuilder Daniel Lugo (played by Mark Wahlberg). He’s running from the cops. We then are taken back about eight months to see how Lugo got himself in this position. Daniel is a fitness trainer who wants more out of life. He wants the money, cars, fancy homes and pretty women of some of his clients. What he says is the true “American dream”.
And he knows he won’t get those things on the current path that he’s on. So he recruits Dwayne Johnson’s Paul (who just got out of prison where he became “born-again”) and Anthony Mackie’s Adrian (a co-worker at the gym) to kidnap one of the wealthiest men in South Florida, Victor Kershaw (played by Tony Shaloub). The plan is to get Kershaw simply to sign-over all his money and possessions to the trio, and after several days of torture he eventually does. And even though the three of them are not very bright they don’t get caught!
But Kershaw, who’s a real jerk, won’t go down without a fight. He hires a private detective (Ed Harris) to try to get his stuff back after the Miami police don’t believe his story. There are some complications, but this is pretty much the story, and because it’s so simple and straightforward Bay tries all of his tricks in an attempt to keep us interested for the 2+ hours – but they all fail.
In general terms, “Pain & Gain” is probably the most disjointed film I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching. I hated it right from the first scene – with Wahlberg’s Daniel narrating his troubles while he runs from the police – in classic Bay slow-motion. And that was just a hint of the narration festival that was to come. Practically every single character – even some minor ones – do some narration during the film. One of many examples of “Pain & Gain” simply trying too hard to be clever.
We also get the stylized Bay camerawork, but that only adds to the out of control tone – that goes from silly to violent to serious to goofy. This movie is supposed to be funny – it’s not. Suspenseful – it’s not. Interesting – it’s not. Bay throws in unnecessary titles on the screen every once in a while and a ridiculous “Now we have to get serious” conclusion. And the constantly pounding soundtrack just makes things worse.
Maybe after working with CGI robots for so long Bay forgot how to direct real actors. The best example is Johnson, who is totally unbelievable in his role. It was a bad casting decision from the start. And it’s difficult to listen to Wahlberg’s Daniel and his dopey dialogue and occasional sarcastic cracks. Rebel Wilson and Ken Jeong are part of the supporting cast – thrown in, just like everything else, with no real purpose.
“Pain & Gain” is just one of this year’s films in the Adult Crime Comedy genre. It’s appropriately R-rated – with plenty of F-bombs, blood, drug use and adult content, including a severed toe – just for laughs.
Here’s something I never thought I’d write: “Pain & Gain” is WORSE than Bay’s last two “Transformers” films. That’s quite an achievement.
On The Official LCJ Report Card, “Pain & Gain” gets an F.