“Hitman: Agent 47” is a reboot (of sorts) in a film franchise that started, and should’ve ended, with 2007’s bomb “Hitman” starring Timothy Olyphant. Both of these movies are based on the popular video game series that’s been around for 15 years. While video games, especially the shoot-em-up variety, are typically have extremely thin storylines, it seems the script for “Hitman: Agent 47” was likely written in about 15 minutes.
Katia (Hannah Ware), who has some telepathic tricks in her noggin, finds-out from a mysterious man named John Smith (played by “Star Trek”‘s Zachary Quinto) that a genetically-engineered hitman, who has a human body but few human emotions, is out to kill her. His name is Agent 47 (the other 46 names were apparently taken). He’s played by Rupert Friend, who has a slight resemblance to “Pirates of the Caribbean” star Orlando Bloom (which, of course, has nothing to do with the plot of this film, but that’s what happens when one’s mind wanders when the film one is watching is so completely uninteresting).
Soon the plot becomes a search for Katia’s dad, complete with the typical advanced technology mumbo-jumbo. The dialogue is so boring that ALL of the characters may as well have been genetically-altered non-humans (maybe they are?) As for the performances, Quinto is overdramatic, stiff and stingy – basically Spock in a nice suit. And all this time I thought he was acting in the two “Star Trek” films. This may be how Quinto plays all his roles. Friend’s major responsibilites are fast driving and shooting people. For some reason his accent becomes noticably more American halfway through the movie.
There are some uninteltnionally hilarious moments during the goofy, slow-motion-filled action scenes, complete with corny one-liners. I must say there are some creative ways that people are killed in “Hitman: Agent 47” (clearly inspired by the game). And the body count is massive. In fact, 31 people die on screen even before the opening “Hitman” title appears, about five minutes in.
Mindless, ridiculous, but certainly not painless to watch, this is the worst pure action film of Summer 2015. On The Official LCJ Report Card, “Hitman: Agent 47” gets a D.
Running Time: 96 min.